The War of Compatibility

I wish this concept was more embraced so families and lives wouldn't become victim to "growing apart" or wanting different things. In my head and heart, I feel confused by the notion that we could ever spend a lifetime with anyone and over time the things we both like, want, need, desire, etc. wouldn't change. Change dramatically in some cases. I love how he points out the ongoing desire to know each other. My thought is that this is where we go wrong, we stop seeing one another as a beautiful scavenger hunt - and instead establish judgmental beliefs that eventually suffocate intimacy.

PLAY REEL

My undercurrent belief is that it would be boring to spend my life with someone just like me. I feel like that would be such a lost opportunity to grow and be introduced to things outside of my version of normal. It also seems healthy to have different interests that allow you to refuel without being dependent on your partner's participation. This is assuming it's a healthy interest and not an obsession or addiction. Also, that there are boundaries in place that protect the relationship so it isn't vulnerable, as interest & passion go hand-in-hand.

Now, I say all of this with the harsh reality that my love life has never resembled this model. Unfortunately, I naively walked into relationships thinking this was one of the building blocks only to learn later that hobbies and interests won in the end. I don't have it figured out. I don't know how to really know that someone is genuine, committed, loyal, etc. Maybe someone will have some great insight for me and the rest of us to help weed out those who are happy to consume us, even within a marriage covenant, only to discards when something shinier presents itself.

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Feel free to share your thoughts, struggle, and overcoming tips. I'm sure they will spark another element of my healing journey. If you feel my journey is helping you along yours, or you think it will help someone else in your world, please share this. If COVID taught us anything, it's no matter if you're an introvert or inward thinker, isolation and the sense of being alone is pure torture. Let's not do this alone!

You're always welcome!

Carrie ~