Are We Compatible - Or Are They Using Me?

Here's a fascinating thought. It seems obvious to want people in our lives that are compatible with us. But I think it's worthy of unpacking a bit. First, I'll just say that I'm applying this filter to all types of relationships in my life; friendships, partners/spouses, business partners, etc.

A couple of things came to mind as I was hanging out with God. Although it's great to have people that are compatible in our life, how do we know they aren't using us? I mean, if they have so much in common with us... is there a chance we are just a stepping stone for them? Is it possible that they are really only leveraging the relationship to get to where they want to be - all under the guise of a common passion or interest? How can we know?

Assuming the people in our lives are supportive, it almost seems comforting to know that they really don't have an ulterior motive. That their support, their investment of time, energy, and resources, their excitement, and their encouragement all come from an authentic place of love, care, commitment, and loyalty. When we look around, who has nothing to gain from our success except the joy of seeing us succeed? I've spent most of my life being a great resource for people. I've allowed them to tap me for what benefits them and watched them head for the door once they've consumed what they need. One of the first times I allowed myself to acknowledge the sting of this was years ago. There was a gal I really enjoyed... she had so much light, joy, and energy. She had reached out and said she'd love to connect and have coffee sometime. We had gone to the same church for some time, but had been too busy to really connect as we served.

I admit, I was excited at the thought of getting to know her. She would be such a fun spirit to have in my life. I had a lot of respect for her and knew I'd enjoy exploring a friendship. As usual, a few weeks passed and she reached out and shared that she'd been really busy. This is a truth we're all faced with. She went on to share that, since we hadn't been able to sync up, she wanted to tell me why she was hoping to get together. She proceeded to text that she knew what I did for a living and hoped I'd be willing to meet and share any tips I might have for her new venture. That's perfectly fine and actually a wonderful way to grow our network. And who better, than those we enjoy. Here's the thing though, my immediate thought was, "Oh... I thought you wanted to be my friend!" I was actually taken back at how my heart processed this. It was in that moment I realized I had spent most of my life feeling like a commodity. Shoot, I'm still trying to learn how not to just be a commodity. I haven't fully figured this out, but I do find myself enjoying relationships with those that are different than me - or that have different goals or objectives. There's an innocence I appreciate, knowing I don't really have anything to offer - than me. Also, if we only do life or business with people like us, how are we to grow? Or, how are we to off-set our weaknesses with the strengths of others? Isn't it important to surround ourselves with diversity so we can enjoy a fullness we aren't capable of on our own? Don't we want people around us to LOVINGLY challenge our thinking? Provide insight that we don't naturally have on our own? Or better yet, keep us from royally screwing up our lives because we're about to compromise ourselves and possibly our relationships?

I will conclude by saying, I do love and enjoy those few, special people who are "my people!" The ones who dance to the same drum, who light up a room just by entering, and so on. I'm just careful to ensure that our common ground is who we are, not what we do - or what we need from one another. I'm working to keep those people in my "network" or - as those I help. This is a subtle nuance that I'm still trying to navigate. I have a feeling I'll never fully dial it in, but I'm walking in awareness, and that's a start. I hope you'll consider joining my journey of healing. Subscribe for updates!

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Feel free to share your thoughts, struggle, and overcoming tips. I'm sure they will spark another element of my healing journey. If you feel my journey is helping you along yours, or you think it will help someone else in your world, please share this. If COVID taught us anything, it's no matter if you're an introvert or inward thinker, isolation and the sense of being alone is pure torture. Let's not do this alone!

You're always welcome!

Carrie ~