Hang On - It's A Roller Coaster Ride

I've mentioned, I feel like God talks to me in pictures, beautifully painted in my mind and heart. At one-of-many crossroads, where uncertainty was the only thing certain, He dropped an image that will stick with me for the rest of my life. I hope it encourages you as it did me. More than encouragement, it redefined my entire life... or my perception of my life.

For fun, I'll just quickly share the circumstance in case it provides you practical hope. I landed an amazing job at a local high school focused on college prep, acceptance, and funding. The irony of this is beyond miraculous, I'll share that at another time (I'll tag it "ADHD" so you can follow-up at a later date). They actually created a new, non-existing role for me after interviewing for the other position. They determined they needed my specific expertise aside from the other position.

There was no budget which meant two things; first, great news... due to my 20+ years of experience, my salary was 30% higher than the original salary range associated with the other job I applied for. Second, not so great news... when it came time to renew my contract, it didn't appear those in charge would be extending funding. On my last day, just hours before my credentials would cease and I would be dropping off my laptop, I got an email... OUT OF THE BLUE. No warning, no discussion, just an email directly from the CFO. It was an extension! They were extending my contract for another year! I was beside myself and overwhelmed with joy. Not just because I needed my source of income, but also because I was passionate about the lives being changed through this organization.

So what does a roller coaster have to do with this? It's not hard to imagine, I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride. I think that's an obvious conclusion... but that's not what God showed me. What He showed me reframed everything.

The following vision came to me, about two weeks before my contract ended, after leadership confirmed that all efforts had been exhausted, and they would not be extending my role.

After anxiously awaiting takeoff, the roller coaster began the slow chug up the epic climb most coasters begin with. The trick with this coaster was, it was enclosed, I had no idea what the track looked like... I was flying blind. And then it happened, there was a rush in my heart as I was overwhelmed with the confidence that my God, my Abba was a master coaster builder. Just writing these words caused me to erupt into tears as I recall the intensity of His love in that moment. His kindness to show me how very close He was and how I was not abandoned or at risk of any kind.

It was as if He was whispering in my ear, "Remember, you are my Princess and I built this ride just for you. I've perfectly engineered every twist, turn, loopty loop, hill, and drop to effortlessly carry you until the very end. I'm not building the track in real-time, it doesn't unexpectantly end... I planned it in advance. You don't need a miracle, you don't need me to come through, you don't even have to beg me to fix anything. There's nothing to fix. You are securely attached to a purposeful track with a very specific destination."

But that's not all. He reminded me that I'm harnessed in! I won't fall out! I can't fall out!

And in true Abba fashion, He whispered... "But I want you to have a choice. You have a choice to white knuckle it, to close your eyes, to kick & scream, and even make yourself sick. Or, you can let go, you can raise your hands, you can laugh, you can be surprised, you can have fun! It's up to you. I love you either way, but I hope you'll trust just how much - and anticipate all the great things I've built into the architecture of this ride.

I've built things that no other Engineer could imagine. It's custom built, just for you based on all the mysterious things I planted in your heart. Your desires, your hopes, your passions. I promise, you can trust me. I'm not distracted and I won't forget you. If you stay seated and locked in, there's nothing you can do that will eject you from what I have built. You are safe! You are loved!"

Segway... I wish you could have seen me writing this and the snotty, uncontrollable eruptions of emotions and tears that consumed me. It's still just as raw as the moment He shared this vision with me.

I pray that as you face the complete unknown, you know how safe you are. But, I will point out that we can derail things. We can thrash about and push people in our life away that were intended to share our ride. We can make ourselves sick with worry, puking all over ourself - and those around us. We can unbuckle, thinking we can get out of the unknown ourselves, to the point of massive injury or even death. Death of a relationship, death of our health, death of our hope, death of our destiny & purpose, or even physical death.

I'll end with this. Our Abba wants nothing more than to see us full of joy and trust. In the same way a parent loves to see the excitement of their child opening their most prized gift or going to their dream destination; or, overcome a challenge that builds confidence and skill, He wants us to walk in fullness. He's there when we hurt, unable (unwilling) to manipulate others into treating us correctly or forcing them to choose us... or demand they help us. He gives each one of us the autonomy to choose for ourselves. I can't imagine the discipline it takes to watch as we abuse the gift of "Will" and weaponize it to hurt one another. This is where my understanding runs out... and I just have to believe in His goodness and commitment to never leave or forsake me. This is true for you too!

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Feel free to share your thoughts, struggle, and overcoming tips. I'm sure they will spark another element of my healing journey. If you feel my journey is helping you along yours, or you think it will help someone else in your world, please share this. If COVID taught us anything, it's no matter if you're an introvert or inward thinker, isolation and the sense of being alone is pure torture. Let's not do this alone!

You're always welcome!

Carrie ~